Well, I knew it had been much too long since I've posted to my Blog when I tried to log in to my account and realized that I had totally forgotten my password; I guess that speaks to both my incredibly bad mid-life memory unaided by daily ginseng supplements and the fact that as I nervously stare at this blank page, I realize that along with a couple of other big decisions I need to make, I have avoided writing a new post simply because I've let the daily current of my life provide me with both excuses and inertia, that deadly combination killer of successful goal achievement and probably the reason why personal coaches stay in business!
And needless to say, I also didn't figure out what color my parachute is (please refer to my last post in yes, April!), as I continue to struggle along with my fellow 40-something moms that stepped off their career ladder 10+ years ago to be home with their young children and now realize as they pleadingly ask their middle school sons they have waited for all day if they want you to fix them a snack or a sandwich as they walk through the front door and right past you to their room that it's really time to re-purpose my life! But I guess on the bright side, even though I didn't exactly find my ultimate "calling" this summer as I thought I would, I did find out some of the things I'm definitely NOT meant to be.
For instance, I can tell you with certainty that there is no way I could be a nurse, unless, of course, Nurse Ratched from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" was the role model! That realization came upon me in early May, when my husband, Troy, had full knee replacement surgery and I was put into the role of said caring nurse for several weeks. It was during this period of sleepless nights (both of us), staring out the window all day in a drug-induced stupor (him) and running up and down the stairs 100 times a day to make ice for the ice machine, spill ice and/or water all over the kitchen floor trying to fill the ice machine, crush ice with a hammer until I got blisters so I didn't have to spend a small fortune and make daily trips to the store to buy ice (me) and losing all my compassion as I ran out of ice for my gin and tonic and wondered when the hell he was going to get out of bed and help me with the kids already!
Now with all due respect to anyone who has had to provide long-term care for a loved one, it wasn't like I had to change his diaper or anything, but I'm pretty sure that if anything ever happened and it got to that point, I would be the wife/nurse you read about who "accidentally" tipped her husband's wheelchair over the Grand Canyon on a strategically planned family vacation! (Just kidding dear, for better or worse, right?)
Another career I have decided to take a break from and realized over the summer that I could never be permanently, much to the dismay of my Olympic-hopeful kids, is perpetual "Swim Team Mom", which if you watched any of those Olympic athlete back stories, you know is a full-time career that does not really pay very well. Now, for those of you who have never had the privilege of being a parent of children who swim competitively, please note that summer swim league is a 3-1/2 month period which begins in May with hauling kids to and from their respective age group practices from 6pm to 9pm, making family dinners, coherent homework time and any other activity virtually impossible to plan.
The other highlights include but are not limited to washing towels and swim suits, buying healthy swimmer food to try and satisfy appetites borne of swimming hundreds of laps each day, looking for lost goggles, caps and suits, buying or borrowing new goggles, caps and suits, preparing for swim meets that are 6-8 hour events twice a week for the entire month of July, trying to keep them indoors and rested for the first 6 hours of a beautiful day before each meet without driving each other and/or you crazy, packing a cooler full of yes, ice! with food and Gatorade and water, packing another bag full of towels, swim gear, folding chairs, and everything else you may need for a 6-8 hour event and loading it into the car to drive a half hour to the away pool, and then trying to keep yourself and your kids located in a swarm of hundreds so they don't miss their event, warm (June-mid-July), cool (mid-July - Aug), hydrated, fed nutritiously, calm, organized, with goggles, cap and suit, motivated and not mad at you if they lose, gracious if they win, and then load everything back up again with now 100-pounds of wet towels, and then all of you put to bed at a decent hour so they can get up and do it all again. And all while staying non-neurotic about your kids coaches, abilities and your own old dreams of being an Olympic swimmer... So you can see, Professional Swim Team mom I clearly am not!
After swim team season and a couple of camping trips, we got to mid-August, and I realized with both horror and excitement that school was starting again in a few weeks. I don't think I have to explain excitement, but the horror was at at all the things I didn't accomplish that I swore I would this year, like go through all the kids' notebooks and projects in June that still sat in my pantry in September and all the math fact sheets I was going to do with my daughter still in their neat, copied pile in the kitchen drawer along with my best intentions of doing educational outings and writing projects with all the kids.
So I realized that even though I still want my kids around so I can be a mom, "Homeschooler" is yet another "what I am not" job for me and I would quickly join the ranks of other moms with their home-schooled children that I see at Target during the day, getting their math lesson by adding up the total cost of a new purse, band-aids and a bag of Cascadian Valley chips! (Just kidding, I know all you real home-schoolers do a great job!)
Today, now that my public school kids are happily in their educational mobile pods, I'm trying to figure out whether I can be a real, in-school Teacher and/or a real, published Writer. And in order to do so, my husband, having successfully survived my stint as a nurse, promised me that if I can get some of my writings published to pay the $40,000 tuition I need for a Master's Degree, (I guess I forgot to open up that 529 Plan for myself!) then I can fulfill my current dreams for repurposing my mid-life mommy-hood into whatever I want...
In the interim, I'm working as a paid tutor for my kids' school three days a week to determine if this current dream. And despite the fact that my oldest son earns more per hour as a Soccer ref coordinator than I do (once again, that BA in Advertising coming in handy!) and that I'm working with college grads that are young enough to be my older kids, I'm having a blast watching the teachers, getting to know the kids and listening to responses like "Well, my sister told me this one, but she said I can't tell you because it's a secret" when I point to a letter of the alphabet and ask a Kindergartener what it is. Hilarious! At the very least, I'm sure to get some great material for my next posting, right?!
As always, thanks for all your support and I'll let you know when I get published. In the meantime, please feel free to share your own stories of "what you are not" or what you have become in your own quest to repurpose your mid-mommyhood life! And if you'd like to stop by after school, I can definitely make you a sandwich!